I miss him
How do you handle still missing your SO when they left and caused so much pain? I am seriously just angry at myself for this. He caused so much pain. I miss my life and the future I believed I saw so much. I miss talking to my best friend and our inside jokes. I told him outright I was going to be pulling back from texting (I had been to send him photos of our daughter) and I miss even doing that. It just makes me feel like a doormat. I know getting to know other people will help but it just feels so impossible. Meetup just plain ****s around here. I’m not traveling an hour each way on ****ty transit to exhaust myself staying out late with strangers I don’t know just to drag myself back home and wake up after a short sleep. I wish I could talk and joke around with him like I used to but I can’t and it just hurts. And I hate that I want to. What do you guys do when that feeling hits?
by sally at 2018-11-19T17:05:40
I am so sorry.. that sounds really ****ty. My stbxh had been pushing me away for years, driving a stupid wedge and made me the enemy for about three years before I finally found out he was having an affair and I asked him to leave. So now that I've been on my own for a month, I find I'm not missing him. I see now he'd pushed me farther than I realized. But I had always been honest with myself about how he was treating me, so I had all those thoughts and feelings at the ready when the relationship finally broke down. What I can relate to is the feeling of grieving the life and future I thought I'd have. The family unit I thought we were. Do I miss joking around and having a partner? Yes, of course I do, but I can see clearly now that he wasn't the right person to do that, and he was full of **** when he was doing it anyway. But what do I do now? I'm frustrated and sad that I have to rebuild my life and I just don't know what to do with it now. So I grieve the stuff that I liked, but I try to focus on finding that again - but properly this time - in the future. I made a big list of all the things I won't miss anymore, and all of the things I refuse to do without in the future and I focus on that. I know I can do better, and that I deserve better. And I sure as **** won't settle for less in the future. Meetup ****s in my area too, and I can't stand the idea of MLMs. I'm also trying to figure out how to spend my time, both when I have my kid and when I don't. It'll be a process, but I know I'm the one who will come out on top when this is all over. It's just frustrating knowing there's a big mountain to climb in front of me, and no way around it. Try where you can to look forward. Let yourself grieve and feel ****ty, but don't delude yourself. Be honest about all the ways he ****ed and wasn't right. Write those things down, and read that list over again when you feel sad. Don't push the feelings away, they'll just come back to you, but don't give them more weight than they actually deserve. I'm pretty new at this myself, and I swing wildly from one side to the other depending on the day, but I'm around if you need to chat. Maybe you were a doormat, but you don't have to be anymore. Your strength will build in time. You can do this.
by john at 2018-11-19T17:27:57