Haven't been formally diagnosed, but feeling so miserable
It's been 3 weeks since I've had my baby. I love her and don't have thoughts about harming her, but I don't necessarily feel a connection. I feel like I don't really matter and so long as there was someone doing what I do, it would be ok. I feel so lonely and I don't know why. I have great familial support and an amazing fiancé that goes above and beyond to help me. I still feel lonely and like I can't talk about how I feel without being judged. I went from not eating because I'd be so busy I'd forget to just not wanting to eat. This feeling comes in waves. I'll be great for a day or two and then spiral. I don't have a PCP and don't really know who to reach out to. I took a PPD screening test the hospital sent me and based on that I probably do have PPD. I just don't know what to do.
by lilly at 2018-11-19T18:28:36
Coffee, Redbull and Cigarettes
So yeah, lately my day usually starts with 2 cups of coffee and then I keep adding more and more, max in a day I can hit 5-7 cups and on top of that a few red bulls, the worst I had was 7 cups of coffee and 4 cans of redbull. Meanwhile also smoking 2 packs a day. It all keeps me awake while I make music, lately, I just can't imagine my creative process without drinking a cup of coffee and smoking cigs. I know it's killing me slowly, but god damn it makes me feel good...
by jordan at 2018-11-19T18:21:23
Addiction
Coming out to my dad
That’s right after thinking about it and talking with some people I’m doing it. He’s way more supportive of it than my mom so it’ll just be him for right now.
by jordan at 2018-11-19T18:10:24
Gay & Lesbian | Family
MRI needed but... had massive Panic Attack
I have had MRI's before. I hated it. I have struggled through them. However the other day, I got halfway done and freaked out. The being in that tiny tube and the loud noise and not being able to move was just too much. I think the ones where I was able to watch tv and put on something funny helped me. I had music going but it kept having songs that I just didn't care for either. I literally had to get out of there and it took me a couple of days to recover from this panic attack. I didn't want to be near people or anything stimulus afterward. I laid in bed playing mindless games on my phone. In about another week or so, I am supposed to go back and try again at a different facility. apparently, the nurses there can give me something to calm my nerves. Just thinking about going back is triggering my anxiety. I am in massive lower back hip and leg and knee pain. The xrays were done. I can't go through with the MRI. I just can't. apparently, there are some problems with my discs in my lower back and in my hips but my doctor wanted more tests. Is there anything else I can ask to be done? I just don't want to do this MRI. I have numbness and shooting pain in my legs and joint pain in my hips and knees. Doctors believe I have Fibro, Arthritis, but not Rheumatoid. My tests they say don't show RA but I do have chronic joint pain and hypothyroidism. I also have a massive pain in my hands and arms and elbows and wrists and neck and shoulders. I just am a huge body of pain. I just want to find relief.
by marcus at 2018-11-19T17:27:39
Anxiety | Chronic Pain
Feeling the need for every meal to be “perfect”
Does anyone else feel the need or desire for all their meals to be “perfect?” Like it has to be the right time to eat, you have to have measured the correct amounts of whatever you’re eating, take a certain amount of time to eat and not be interrupted or disturbed while eating? This makes me sound crazy maybe, and I’m reasonably flexible day to day with most of my meals, but I just prefer if I’ve planned everything “perfectly” and all goes according to plan. Breakfast at 8, lunch at 12, snack at 3, dinner at 7, etc and I get to eat exactly how much I want with out anyone asking for any of what I’ve already measured... I’m recovering from an ED and eating the right amount of calories, but this perfectionism about food and not wanting it to be interrupted or derailed is definitely the hardest thing to shake. Does anyone have advice for me?
by marcus at 2018-11-19T17:22:32
Eating Disorder
A little over a month ago, my relationship ended.
I didn't see it coming, but I should have. His relationship had recently ended when ours had begun (first red flag). I tried to walk away but he was so tenacious, and the fantasy he created in my mind was too difficult to resist. All the right words were said. It felt like he could see into my soul and predict what I would need to hear at any given point. However, people he described as "just friends" did not make sense to me, but I continued to ignore my intuition. In April I saw a dating app on his phone. Upon confrontation, I was told it was just for friends prior to us meeting but the messages were all deleted before I could see this to be true. Again, all the right things were said and the fantasy continued. As time went on, more red flags began popping up: a small white lie on a Monday, canceled plans on a Saturday, and soon every day was bombilating with apprehension. Friends began telling me that I was choosing to ignore the signs and that I need to leave. "Be careful with that one love, he will do what it takes to survive(Hamilton)," said one friend. Still, I chose to believe in the fantasy. In July, I found him on another dating app and I "catfished" him, you could say. He sent a pin drop to his location, provocative messages, and the fantasy felt shattered. Yet again, I did not leave, but I no longer believed his lies. The curse in being a Capricorn is that I hardly ever leave. Once I attach myself to something, I can't let go. I won't let go. A few months passed and although we had moments of magic, there were more moments of torment than anything. How do you believe anything else? The short answer is, I couldn't, yet I still did not leave. By the end of September, he left stating that he had a dream that I would be unable to heal as long as he remained in my life. He tried to wrap his departure like a Christmas gift, martyring himself for the greater good of "me." It's been a rough journey of healing, but I can see that now he would not recognize me. This time, I put my pieces back together differently. I could not have gotten by without the support of my friends, and I will try to be here for anyone in need of support that may be going through a similar situation. A brilliant radio show host once said that people can often bleach red flags white in an attempt to keep the fantasy of the relationship alive, and that is exactly what I did. My the****** and I have gone back to the beginning to "deconstruct the fantasy," as he says, in an attempt to understand and heal.
by marcus at 2018-11-19T17:17:25
I haven’t bought groceries in over a month because my anxiety won’t let me.
Every time I try to tell myself it’s time to buy groceries I can’t get myself around to it. My anxiety tells me that spending money on that is a waste, that I should save it in case of an emergency. Last week I got really sick because I haven’t been eating more than some chips or some crackers here and there. I had to take off of work for two days. Which of course makes everything worse because now I have two fewer days of money. Finances have always been a trigger for my anxiety. It’s just never been like this before. I’ve been stealing food from my roommate and I feel so guilty. I just can’t come around to spending money. I would appreciate any advice or support. This is really a tough time for me. Thank you guys.
by sally at 2018-11-19T17:13:24
Anxiety
My 12 year old daughter asked her best friend and She said yes.
They have been best Friends since birth. And have sleepovers all the time. My question is this. If She would have a boyfriend I obviously wouldn't let them shave a sleepover because of their age. But I don't feel it is right to stop sleepovers now all of a sudden. I am a bit lost. They are the cutest couple though! Advice, please.
by sally at 2018-11-19T17:09:02
Gay & Lesbian
I miss him
How do you handle still missing your SO when they left and caused so much pain? I am seriously just angry at myself for this. He caused so much pain. I miss my life and the future I believed I saw so much. I miss talking to my best friend and our inside jokes. I told him outright I was going to be pulling back from texting (I had been to send him photos of our daughter) and I miss even doing that. It just makes me feel like a doormat. I know getting to know other people will help but it just feels so impossible. Meetup just plain ****s around here. I’m not traveling an hour each way on ****ty transit to exhaust myself staying out late with strangers I don’t know just to drag myself back home and wake up after a short sleep. I wish I could talk and joke around with him like I used to but I can’t and it just hurts. And I hate that I want to. What do you guys do when that feeling hits?
by sally at 2018-11-19T17:05:40
Divorce
Daughter With Bulimia
I recently discovered that my daughter is struggling with bulimia. She had an evaluation today at an ED program, and resident or day treatment options were suggested. Unfortunately, after we left, I was informed that our insurance doesn’t cover their services. Ugh. I applied for new insurance that does cover the program, but it doesn’t take effect until Jan 1st, 2019. How can I support and help her until she can get into the program? I can’t watch her 24/7 and want to do what I can for her to be healthy, but don’t want her to feel as if I’m trying to fix or control her. Any advice would be really appreciated.
by sally at 2018-11-19T17:01:10
Just woke up and this was the first thing that came to my mind.
I just miss the days when I’d wake up, get right out of bed, shower, then do whatever it was I wanted to do that day.
by sally at 2018-11-19T16:59:04
Depression
Do I have an eating disorder?
Friends, family, and professionals keep telling me that I have an eating disorder but I have no idea what I actually have. The backstory is I used to be really fat, at 16 I was 20 stone so I decided I needed to lose the weight. It was going really well and I was dropping weight each week for 2 years, which is when my mum began saying I was getting too thin. I couldn't understand why because no matter what the scales said I couldn't unsee that 20 stone, so I kept pushing to lose it. I lapsed back into eating poorly for 2 years and gained some of that back, which made me so unbelievably unhappy. At that point, people were telling me I was perfect, but I felt the opposite. I started skipping meals and tried to make myself throw up (It seems I don't have a gag reflex as no matter how desperately hard I try I just cannot trigger that response) and I'm continuing that to this day. I feel disgusted in myself, I can't bare to ever take my shirt off, even in private, or look in a mirror without wanting to take a knife to myself and cut the fat away. I keep lapsing back into eating more than I want to because I'm so unhappy with my weight which is why I've started skipping as many meals as possible. All I want is to be thin, thin and happy. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. I'm not anorexic and I'm not bulimic so I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any ideas if I truly have an eating disorder, or if it's something else?
by john at 2018-11-19T16:50:59
Eating Disorder
3 years alcohol free 1st of December
My life has changed so much in these 3 years it's unbelievable my wife and kids love me I've my own business doing well and with a medication, I have control of my bipolar. Anyone thinking of quitting whatever poison you're on give it a go, you've nothing to lose.
by john at 2018-11-19T16:47:35
Addiction
I often wish I never planned things.
I'm hosting a dinner for some extended family tonight, and they are due to arrive in 20 minutes. My pain is bad and I'm in sensory overload from having company all weekend. I wish I could say please leave me alone. I can't seem to concentrate on what needs to be done to make a simple dinner, and I'm so tired to fake a happy exterior. Blah. Just venting. I know I'm putting additional stress on my husband. I want so badly to cry and it won't come out. Plus, it's super fun to entertain folks when your legs won't tolerate wearing pants.
by john at 2018-11-19T16:43:32
Chronic Pain
I feel like I have very little emotion, yet I constantly feel down.
For the last few years, I've never really felt a range of emotions. Nothing seems to upset me but I still constantly feel down. A close relative of mine recently passed away and while I expected to feel sad for days it didn't really affect me. Of course, I miss them but I don't feel upset or anything. I feel like there's something wrong with me and I've been like this for years. I'm scared to tell my friends incase they think I'm insensitive or worse just a bad person. I feel like my parents getting a divorce when I was young may have done this to me as I don't remember being upset by anything since. If anyone could help me with this that would be great. Thanks.
by john at 2018-11-19T16:37:43
Depression
You are not alone. Keep fighting!!
It breaks my heart hearing what some of you are going through. But if you are reading this, you are not alone. I too have been there. For months I only saw darkness. I felt numb and was pushing away people that meant the most to me. I had plans and was ready to commit suicide. I was furious at my family to force me to go in-patient. I never admitted I needed help. But saying you need help is not and never will be a sign of weakness.
by john at 2018-11-19T16:34:17
Death | Family